Mencken's seventh law

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

Mencken's Arcana Ecclesiastica

Archbishop: A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that obtained by Christ.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Mencken's sixth law

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Mencken's fifth law

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

Mencken's fourth law

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.

Rosenfield's Regret

The most delicate component will be dropped.

Sueker's Note

If you need "n" items of anything, you will have "n - 1" in stock.

Klipstein's Observation

Any product cut to length will be too short.

Klipstein's Lament

All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.

Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules

Everything costs more and takes longer.

The American Way

It's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save.

Langin's Law

If things were left to chance, they'd be better.

Jones' Principle

Needs are a function of what other people have.

Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Goldwyn's Law of Contracts

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics

1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Fourth Law of Thermodynamics

If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.

Comins' Law

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Cohen's Law

What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.

Bicycle Law

All bicycles weigh 25 kilograms:

• A 15 kilogram bicycle needs a 10 kilogram lock.
• A 20 kilogram bicycle needs a 5 kilogram lock.
• A 25 kilogram bicycle doesn't need a lock.

Berra's Law

You can observe a lot just by watching.

Avery's Observation

It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

Parker's Conclusion

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Allen's Axiom

When all else fails, read the instructions.