Mencken's seventh law

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

Mencken's Arcana Ecclesiastica

Archbishop: A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that obtained by Christ.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Mencken's sixth law

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

Mencken's fifth law

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.

Mencken's fourth law

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.

Mencken's third law

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Mencken's second law

When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogatives.

Mencken's Law

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.