Young's Handy Guide to the Modern Sciences

• If it is green or it wiggles -- it is Biology. 
• If it stinks -- it is Chemistry. 
• If it doesn't work -- it is Physics.

First law of laboratory work

Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

MacDonald's second law

Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and then give it back to them.

Stewart's law of retroaction

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Conway's law

In every organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Harrison's postulate

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Perkin's postulate

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Witten's law

Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.

The innaplicable law

Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.

First isomorphism postulate

Things that aren't equal to anything, are equal among themselves.

Clarke's third law

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Mencken's third law

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Mencken's second law

When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogatives.

Gerrold's Fundamental Truth

It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.

Murphy's Law of design flaws

Design flaws travel in groups.

de la Lastra's Law

After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.

Corollary:

After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.

Lyall's Fundamental Observation

The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.

Lyall's Conjecture

If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Unicorn's Law

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

Peer's Law

The Solution To The Problem Only Changes The Problem.

Thoreau's Law

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.

Sevareid’s Law

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Mencken's Law

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

Murphy's Law

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.